Tania Chomyk is a Ukrainian-Montrealer, life transition expert, grief educator and resilience speaker.
From heartbreak to hope, Chomyk’s journey began with the unimaginable: the loss of her infant son, Danylo. That tragedy became a turning point, unlocking a resilience she never knew she had.
In the years that followed, she faced the end of a long marriage and left a decades-long leadership career, all to pursue a life with deeper purpose.
“When you go through a traumatic loss, like losing a child or a loved one, it hits you so much to the core that you learn how to rise yourself back up to rebuild, and then you have this strength to deal with anything else,” Chomyk said.
She recently spoke at Speaker Slam in Toronto, asking the audience one question to start: “Have you ever been knocked down by life so hard, you wondered if you’d ever stand again?” To that she replied: “I have. More than once.”
“I think the inspiration, or maybe I should say the resilience that I developed, came from Danylo’s tragic loss, because it’s like that loss prepared me for everything else that was going to lay ahead of me in my course of life,” she said.
Chomyk’s son Danylo was only six months old when he died from SUDS, Sudden Unexpected Death Syndrome.
“The child was not 100 per cent healthy but what he had, I remember the words of the cardiologist, saying it’s insignificant. There was nothing to do for that, it was visits, check-ups, the legions were closing, the heart was fine, I’ll see you in six months. The last appointment was Nov. 4, and he passed away seven days later.”
Chomyk says grief is an emotional response to loss.
“It’s not something that’s going to go away, and there’ll be triggers throughout the course of any loss that’s going to remind you of the person, of whatever was lost, your child, career, identity. There’s always going to be those triggers, and it puts you back in that space, and you can’t avoid that. That’s part of human experience, so it’s learning to live with that.”
July is Bereaved Parents Awareness Month. Her upcoming memoir, “Bringing Light to Loss,” launching mid-August, offers more than a story of survival; it’s a heartfelt roadmap to rediscovering hope, courage, and purpose.
A portion of the proceeds from her book will be donated to the Child Life Program at the Montreal Children’s Hospital, in memory of her son Danylo.
Chomyk shares the following advice for other parents who are also dealing with the loss of a child: “Take the time to feel, create that space, whatever that is. For me, it was sitting in my son’s room on the rocking chair, holding onto his blanket, so I can still feel the scent.
“I needed to still feel connected to him, so it’s OK to find those spaces, and it’s OK to be on your own when you’re doing that, but to also open up when you’re ready to open up, connect with people who are feeling the same thing that you are, embrace the little moments of joy, waking up in the morning, seeing the sunshine. That’s going to give you that space to create some energy for yourself so you can carry on.”
Chomyk says it’s important to not be in isolation and to connect with people.
“It’s OK not to be OK. For me, it was about pacing my pain, so when I had to integrate back into the workplace, I deliberately chose to go back to work in another department from the institution I was working for, at the time was McGill. They were so supportive because I knew that I couldn’t face everybody who was at the funeral. It was too difficult, but I was ready to integrate back into the world, so I needed to create a safe space for myself and my emotions, and then slowly reintegrate myself back, because grief, it’s about integrating that loss into your life.
“It’s not about forgetting because it’s never forgotten, and we never want a child to be forgotten. We want that name to be heard. I think that’s the hardest part is when the name is not heard anymore.
“In that moment, it was, my life shattered, honestly. It really, it shakes you to the core. You just, you can’t imagine, you know, you’re a mother, and all of a sudden, now you’re a grieving mother. I was blessed that I had my daughter, and so she was kind of my rock. She was the one that kept me going. She was the one that made me believe that my son still had a place in our lives.
“She would recount stories that he would sing to her at night, and so that made me believe that he was still there, but it was a very, very dark moment for me, and I think it took me a long time to kind of accept the fact that, you know, Danylo passed away, and the stages of grief, they keep coming back.
“Grief doesn’t end. It just evolves, and, you know, the numbness, the anger, the denial, the depression, oh my God, how could I have not protected him? He passed away in his sleep. He was six months old, so, and I remember the words that morning. I looked at my husband, and I said, what an angel he slept through the night, and little did I know that the realization of those words came true that day. So I guess the solace I have now is that Danylo is my angel, and he’s forever our guiding angel, and I know he protects us.”
